I haven't had a lot of time to write today, mostly because I've become so engrossed with the Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. I have about 100 pages left, and the novel feels like watching a yarn of string unravel, in reverse. It's such a fascinating story. The plot lines are all folding in on themselves, yet I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen as I near the end of the novel. I'll finish the book tonight or tomorrow morning, and will probably have some more detailed thoughts for you tomorrow. -
Last weekend I talked about some of my reservations with going out, but this weekend I'm feeling a twinge of regret for not at least making an attempt to be sociable. In my defense, there weather is terrible, and when given an opportunity to stay in pajamas all day and read a good book, I take it. The writer in me is constantly fighting the feeling that I'm missing out on some worthwhile experiences by staying at home, but I also have a pretty good idea of what I'm missing out on.
If given the choice between going out and having a bunch of beers, or going out and getting a cup of coffee, I'll pick the coffee every single time. As I get older I find that there is nothing more unbecoming of a person than being drunk. It's just not a good look. There's nothing wrong with going out, having a couple of drinks to unwind, and enjoying the company of others. It's when a person in my group continues to drink like they are a Freshman in college and get's out of control to the point where bartenders stop serving them that I get fed up people.
if I lived in a town that had a good bar scene perhaps I'd feel differently. I love going out and watching a good band play, but that rarely happens in my part of world. I remember going to see James Murphy do a DJ set in Madison, and it was amazing, but it always feels like I'm making a pilgrimage when it comes to seeing acts I really enjoy. The same holds true with seeing a movies that aren't widely distributed, or going to see one of my favorite authors do a live reading. Don't even get me started on how difficult it is to find a good beer on tap.
As you can guess, I have moving on my mind. The combination of an unusually cold winter, dead night life and general feeling of malaise that coats this area has really started to bring me down. I've already been snooping around for some prospective writing, editing gigs in other areas of country, and with every additional polar vortex that swoops through the area I get more motivated to send out job/school applications to greener pastures. There's this tiny part of me that really wants to go back to school and get my MFA, but I try to keep that part of me chained down the basement of my subconscious as much as possible.
It's really alienating to be a creative type in a place that feels devoid of art. I don't have a lot of friends who I can sit down with and talk about writing. I thank my lucky stars that we have the internet as a tool to reach out to hundreds of like minded people, I'm not sure where I would be without an outlet like this to vent. Lately, however, I'm starting to need something more. There's this growing divide between myself and the people I have been friends with for years. We have completely different world views, and at times it feels like the only thing that is keeping us friends is inertia. This is nobodies fault, it's just life.
I'm getting dangerously close to being 30 years old. The idea of making a bunch of new friends is, frankly, terrifying. A lot of that terror has to do with my own self-image. It's that old Woody Allen, Groucho Marx joke about not wanting to be in any club that would admit me as a member. A lot of these complaints are also just a byproduct of my inherent laziness. It's just so much more comfortable to stay in and complain that it is to put the effort that it takes to go out, put on a happy face, and get into some conversations with strangers.
I think what I need most is for someone to tell me to stop being such a whiny baby, and force me out of my myopic shell every once in awhile. I hear the world is a pretty interesting place, perhaps I should go out and experience a little more of it.