There are few thinks I enjoy more in this life than a piping hot, restaurant review takedown. Here is a delightful incineration of the Trump Grille written by Tina Nguyen for Vanity Fair. You may recognize some of the food offerings at Trump Grille from that tweet of our President-elect eating a taco salad in some kind of half-hearted attempt to not seem like a racist. A great restaurant review often comes disguised as a political think piece, and Nguyen pulls this off beautifully.
Some tasty bits:
The allure of Trump’s restaurant, like the candidate, is that it seems like a cheap version of rich. The inconsistent menus—literally, my menu was missing dishes that I found on my dining partners’—were chock-full of steakhouse classics doused with unnecessarily high-end ingredients. The dumplings, for instance, come with soy sauce topped with truffle oil, and the crostini is served with both hummus and ricotta, two exotic ingredients that should still never be combined. The menu itself would like to impress diners with how important it is, randomly capitalizing fancy words like “Prosciutto” and “Julienned” (and, strangely, ”House Salad”).
Renowned butcher Pat LaFrieda once dared me to eat an eyeball that he himself popped out of the skull of a roasted pig. That eyeball tasted better than the Trump Grill’s (Grille’s) Gold Label Burger, a Pat LaFrieda–branded short-rib burger blend molded into a sad little meat thing, sitting in the center of a massive, rapidly staling brioche bun, hiding its shame under a slice of melted orange cheese. It came with overcooked woody batons called “fries”—how can someone mess up fries?—and ketchup masquerading as Heinz. If the cheeseburger is a quintessential part of America’s identity, Trump’s pledge to “make America great again” suddenly appeared not very promising. (Presumably, Trump’s Great America tastes like an M.S.G.-flavored kitchen sponge lodged between two other sponges.)
It's a shame they already handed out the Nobel prize for literature, because this paragraph is certainly deserving of the prize. There is something cathartic about a witty writer taking full aim at our country's biggest bully made President-elect, with something as innocuous as a restaurant review.
Just thinking about Mr. Trump getting irate reading this review while scarfing down a mediocre taco salad, makes me feel a little bit better about the crazy world we are living.
Bravo, Ms. Nguyen.